20 Things You Should Not Say to Your Spouse (part 2)

Posted by: Shel Harrington 2 August, 2013 18 Comments
Things NOT to say to spouse

We covered the things husbands should not say to wives on Wednesday, but I sure don’t want to leave the wives out!

 10 Things Wives Should Not Say to Their Husbands

1. You’re not doing it right. Translation: you’re not doing it the way I do it. This is a fast-track to getting  a personal invitation to do it the right way – as only you can do it.

2. Your wearing that? Nobody likes to be criticized no matter how stylelisticly-challenged they are. Skip the condemnation and go right to the suggestion. No sense giving him an excuse to not have to go to the place he probably wasn’t thrilled about going to from the get-go. .

3. Any sentence that starts with “you always” or “you never” and ends with a negative. He’ll miss most of the lecture because he’s busy planning his defensive response before you finish the first sentence.

4. My mother warned me you’d do this. Nice. Now he’s mad at your mother, too. Long after you and he are on the other side of the tiff he’s wondering what else your mother’s whispering about him behind his back. Leave your mother out of it.

5. I agree with your mother on this. Ah, the ‘ol teamwork double punch. Great for brownie points with your mother-in-law. Not so great for the car ride home. Leave both mothers out of it.

6. Which of my friends do you find most attractive? Half of you are rolling your eyes thinking “what woman in her right mind would ask that question?” The other half are acknowledging they weren’t in a stable place when they did ask – or thought about asking. Nothing positive can come from any response he makes. If he says “none of them” you’ll assume he’s lying. If he picks someone ugly, you’re offended at his bad taste and wonder what it says about you. If he picks the beautiful/witty/fun-loving one, what’s your first thought the next time you see them chatting together? It’s a stupid question.

7. Does this make me look fat? (You knew it would be here, didn’t you?) If you suspect that your outfit makes you look fat, it probably does. Go change. This will spare your mate having to decide between annoying you with the truth or delivering a kind lie that results with you going out in public looking fat.

8. I left you a “Honey-Do” list. This was probably cute the first time you said it. And it’s totally acceptable if he requests such a list. But the cuteness quotient diminishes at a rate that corresponds directly with the number of times it’s said and the number of people you say it in front of.

9. What earrings look better with this outfit? It will only leave you annoyed when he answers so quickly it is clear he did not have time to make the proper comparison in order to give you an informed opinion. You may substitute the word “earrings” for any of the following: purse, shoes, sweater, any other form of apparel.

10. Any sentence that starts with “I’ve told you a hundred times.” What’s the point? Do you think the 101st time will result in magical enlightenment? I’m pretty sure it was perceived as nagging somewhere around the 37th time you mentioned it.

And that completes my list for 20 things you should not say to your spouse. Hopefully these guidelines will assist you in having a pleasant, conflict-free weekend!

Please let me know what I left off either (or both) lists in the comments section below.


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  • If everyone follows your great advice, you’re going to run out of clients. 🙂 This is great. I love the “you always” and “you never” tip….so true.

    I don’t know what it is with your blog, Shel, but I’ve subscribed to it several times and your posts don’t come to my e-mail or reader. I found this post through Write-Minded Woman’s blog…very strange. Enjoy your weekend!

    • Shel Harrington

      While I appreciate each and every client I have, I would be soooooooo OK if the cause for needing divorce lawyers disappeared! I’m glad you spotted this at Write-Minded woman – I get a kick out of her blog, too. And I’m not just saying that because she’s my sister!

      I don’t know why my subscriber gadget is so temperamental. I had a pro look at it and she disengaged a secondary program she thought might have been interfering about a week ago. I have no way of knowing yet if that has taken care of the problem because I’ve had successful sign ups in the past week but I would have no way of knowing if someone tried to sign up and the subscription didn’t get completed.Before this change was made, I had several people tell me there subscription didn’t go through and they tried a second email address and had no problem with the second one. Do you mind if I FB message you about this?

      • Hi Shel! Sorry for the slow reply. I never received notification of follow-up comments, even though I checked the box. Now I see you have a more recent post…I didn’t get that in my reader either. I’m going to try my hotmail address and see if that takes care of the problem.

        WOW! Right-minded is your sister! Cool! Now I know a sense of humor runs in your family. 🙂

        • Shel Harrington

          What? The comment notification isn’t working either?? Total frustration – which you probably won’t know about because you won’t get the follow-up comment! Sure hope the other address works – I appreciate your efforts!

          • I got it! Your comment came through into my gmail account, not Hotmail which is what I changed it to yesterday…I’m so confused. 🙂 I guess whatever your tech person did at least fixed it for the gmail.
            Enjoy your day!

          • Shel Harrington

            I got excited – for a second. You received notice of the comment from whatever address you used when you hit the comment notification button. Neither account has completed a subscription. Did you put the hotmail address in the ‘subscribe via email’ option? If so, did you get a confirm email? I sure appreciate the effort you’ve put in to try and make this work!!

          • I did put my Hotmail address in the subscribe box and I confirmed the e-mail that was sent. However, your latest comments came through my gmail account. That was the account that I could never receive your initial post or comments. Sometimes technology gives me a big ole headache!

          • Shel Harrington

            Woo hooooo! The hotmail address is officially subscribed! Either account should work for comment subscriptions – it will (should!)go to whichever address you are on when you hit that option. Thanks for your persistence, Jill – much appreciated!

  • Kristel

    Love this!!! Totally true!! 🙂

  • A couple of no-nos I’ve learned the hard way:
    “Were you planning to mow any time soon?” (Goes along with that sock thing.)
    “My dad always fixed (fill in the blank) himself.”
    Shel, I’ve been married almost 39 years and you’re making me wonder how my marriage ever lasted so long! 🙂

    • Shel Harrington

      Oooo – I could relate to the mowing ‘suggestion’ – who knew there were so many creative ways to mow in such a memorable way? Two out of 20 ‘gaffes’ struck a cord – 10{2303b849a176fc4c55cbcb5b49f44c0b6a86ba83e746fb3d962701d1b8d54085} Obviously your longevity is due to doing things right 90{2303b849a176fc4c55cbcb5b49f44c0b6a86ba83e746fb3d962701d1b8d54085} of the time – pretty darn impressive, Dee Dee!

  • Natine

    Whew! I do better than I thought! Although I don’t say #3 and #10 directly, I do have versions of both. Guess I still have some work to do.

    BTW, I’m with Dee Dee. I learn something from your postings every week — and am always amused. 🙂

  • I’m not married yet, but I tend to gravitate towards magazine/online articles in this direction. Interpersonal relationships and relationship dynamics have been of interest to me since so many years. I’m glad I found you! (Or rather, that you found me 😉 )

    • Shel Harrington

      I’m glad you found me (after I found you!) too, Vivienne. Some of the dating topics (i.e. Google the One You’re With, 4 Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do) may be of interest to you. Please sign up for a free email subscription if you want to get email notices when there are new posts.And as for finding you, how can somebody NOT want to check out a site called “Cinnamon Hot Chocolate”???? (By the way, that is one of my all time favorite combinations.) I’ve got bananas in the freezer as we speak because of your recent post!

      • Thanks for the reading tips; I’m going to find and read those posts right now. I did look around for a GFC or Facebook widget, but I hadn’t thought of subscribing via email. Did you try making the ice cream?

        • Shel Harrington

          If you subcsribe via email, don’t forget to confirm the follow-up email you will receive. If you have any problem or don’t receive a confirmation, please send me a FB message – a few other people have had problems, but I’m hoping it’s straightened out. I did try the ‘one-ingredient ice cream’ – good stuff!