Words are powerful tools that can be used to lift our mates up and celebrate our unions. They can also be vicious weapons more cutting than the sharpest saber. Used thoughtlessly they can create unintended conflict. To help avoid some of that conflict, I’ve put together a collection of statements that should not be uttered to your spouse.
Husbands, Part One is the 10 things that I suggest you do not say to your wives. Ladies, you can stop reading here, but check back on Friday for Part Two – we’ll chat about what wives shouldn’t say to their husbands.
10 Things Husbands Should Not Say to Their Wives:
1. Ask my mother for her recipe for that. Unless, of course, you would like to spend more time with your mother eating her cooking. A lot more time. Like sleeping on her couch for the foreseeable future.
2. You sound like my mother. Because apparently when she’s not doing wonderful things in the kitchen, your mother can be . . . well, motherly. You’re asking for trouble with this one.
3. You’re starting to remind me of your mother. Usually not in a good way. These are fighting words. Are you seeing a pattern here? “Mother” comparisons are off the table!
4. What did you do all day? Really? You want a list? It will probably be a list of what won’t get done tomorrow so that you’ll notice – and appreciate – the difference.
5. My sock drawer is empty. Because we both know there’s only one person in the home with the skills, the expertise, and the wild desire to wash your clothes. Making that statement is a great way to end up with a drawer full of pink lace-trimmed ankle socks.
6. I wanted to get you something practical. This statement is actually okay if it is said on a non-occasion. However, if it is a special occasion (hint: if the word ‘day’ follows something like birth, Mother’s or Christmas) these words should not be uttered. A good rule of thumb: don’t present as a gift something that has an electric cord and will reside on a kitchen counter or in a cleaning closet.
7. Don’t be such a . . . There’s just not a good way to end that sentence. Chances are she’s not going to agree with your characterization. Chances are she will share that opinion with you. Chances are good it won’t end well.
8. How about you start going to the gym with me? How about you just tell her you think she’s fat? No – that would hurt her feelings. The lame camouflage for the same sentiment is not likely lost on her.
9. Any sentence that starts with the word “Woman” and ends with a directive. As in “Woman, get me a beer.” This statement is probably funnier to you than it is to her. If there are others present, you may omit the word ‘probably’ in the previous sentence.
10. Just calm down. I can almost guarantee you those words will not have the effect you are requesting. Better to say nothing.
Husbands, I hope you found this helpful. You may have found it amusing. But I’m not kidding. Wives, I know you kept reading just to make sure I got it right. If I missed something, please let me know in the comment section below!