5 Ways to Stop the Fight Before It Starts

Posted by: Shel 31 Comments

Our last chat was about strategies to win that marital spat if things weren’t going your way. But is there really a winner when spouses argue? The best fight you can have with your mate is the one that doesn’t get started. Here are 5 ways to change the course of a discussion that’s headed toward fightsville.i love you more


1. Say the unexpected. Throw out fun facts. Or make one up. “Did you know that Shrek was originally supposed to be blue, but that got changed when he got mistaken for an oversized Smurf?”

2. Start singing. You might start off with something from your wedding, move to Coke’s “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (in perfect harmony)” closely followed by Kumbaya. Don’t stop until your mate is singing along with you.

3. Wink. Close your eyes. Repeat. This will, more likely than not, result in your spouse saying: “What are you doing?” To which you respond: “It’s the opposite of rolling my eyes – it indicates eye agreement.”

4. Toss out a memory. One that had you both belly laughing. “Remember the time Bob was showing off on his pogo stick and fell face-first into that mud puddle?” I bet it will crack you both up all over again.

5. Pull a picture out of your pocket. A really cute one of the two of you together. Hold it up in front of your face. Now who can argue with that? Having such a picture in your pocket at all times will also serve as insurance – kind of like how it never rains when you actually have an umbrella with you!

Do you have any other suggestions for heading off a fight before it gets started? Share your technique in the comment section below.

Like This Post? Never Miss Another!
We respect your privacy.

Leave a Reply


  • I love #1 – have to give that a try.
    We sort of already do #5. When things are getting too tense, my Husband pops out a silly stuffed bunny and says “look at your bunny” which always cracks me up. Works every time.

  • I love that Coke song. Great post, Shel!

    • Shel Harrington

      Thanks, Jen. I enjoyed your post, too – and not just because of those fascinating people you mentioned!

  • Great suggestions. However, if I started singing, Don might have me committed! But, it would be a fun way to go.

    • Shel Harrington

      That reminds me of that old song that was so popular when I was a kid – it started out: “They’re coming to take me away, ha ha, they’re coming to take me away ha ha – to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all day long . . . ” My sister and I loved mimicking it – it couldn’t actually be sung. Now that’s a song that could distract from an argument!

      • magB

        I can hear you singing that right now! Not sure we were arguing all those times though ๐Ÿ™‚

        • Shel Harrington

          Argue? Us? Never! IF we ever did, the song that would put a stop to it is the one that started out: “Dadddy was a cop! On the east side of Chicago . . . “

  • These are terrific, Shel, especially as pick-and-choose methods since some will be easier for women to use and others easier for me.
    I love the goal of your blog, to decrease the need for your divorce services! You go, girl!

    • Shel Harrington

      Thanks, Marilyn – a decreased need for my professional services would truly be a dream come true!

  • Shel, you have a great blog! I like what you are doing here. Good resources.

  • I’m going to do it, Shel. I am going to break into “You Done Me Wrong” during our next “discussion.” ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll let you know how it goes.

  • love the positive suggestions…

  • Number 3 is definitely my fave! Will have to instigate an argument so I can try it…hahahahahaha…Didn’t we used to use a variation of #2 when we were kids? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Shel Harrington

      If you trade out the theme from The Adams Family for the wedding number, we have recaptured our youth!

  • I am so going to try 1,2, and 4. And I probably need to do 3 because it’s funny–whether it makes him more irritated or not!

    • Shel Harrington

      I bet ‘eye agreement’ will be better received than eye rolling (ask me how I know!).

  • Diane

    I like number 1 and 5, when Tom and I have a little spat sometimes he’ll say something off the wall to get me to smile which usually works.

    • Shel Harrington

      Now you’ll have him cracking up when you pull out that picture!

  • These are great, Shel! I love number 2. What my SO always says is, “You’re right, I’m wrong.” It shuts me up every time.

  • Misti Halverson

    I like the picture strategy! That one made me smile. Of course you could always just remove all your clothing and then stand there. It’s pretty hard to argue when you are naked as a jay bird. I’m just sayin.’ ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Shel Harrington

      Now that could take the ‘discussion’ in a whole new direction, Misti!

Get updated by email when there's a new post!
We respect your privacy.