Do Us a Favor: DON’T Go to the Movies

Posted by: Shel 23 Comments

Do Us a Favor: DON'T Go to the MoviesWe finally get our spouses to join us for that movie we’ve been wanting to see – our first date in ages – and then we run into one of those people. You know – the inconsiderate boob that ruins the movie for the rest of us. The one that refuses to turn off his cell phone because he’s sure he’s going to get an important call. And when that call comes (probably from his bookie), instead of slipping discreetly out to handle things, he announces in a stage whisper that he’s in a movie (yeah, we know) and has to make it quick. But then he doesn’t.

Here’s 5 more things that should be banned -for all our sakes – from movie theaters. If there’s something on this list you just can’t give up, please do us a favor – DON’T go to the movies.

1. Perfume or cologne. No matter how wonderful it smells, it’s going to clash in a headache-inducing way with the just-as-wonderful scent from the guy in front of us.

2. Your big-faced glow-in-the-dark watch. You know – the one that sheds enough light you can read by it? If you must have verification of yet another minute passing by, maybe you could get a watch face with raised numbers and hands that you could keep in your pocket so you can feel the time without bothering the rest of us.

3. All things crunchy. Yes, M&Ms count. And bootleg, smuggled-in chips? Should be a firing-squad offense. There’s a reason the nacho chips are saturated with liquid cheese-product at theaters.

4. Gum. Unless you can chew it with your mouth closed (yes, we can hear as well as see someone chomping with their mouth open) without snapping, smacking, or popping, it should be banned.

5. Hats more than two inches taller than your head. And, no matter what decade the movie depicts, this includes retro 1980s big hair, too.

Well, there you have my Friday Five list of what shouldn’t be allowed in movie theaters. But as long as we’re on the subject of movie etiquette, let me just mention one more thing. Please be advised there is an unwritten rule that anyone who leaves during a movie – it doesn’t matter if it’s for a drink refill, bathroom break, or emergency gall bladder surgery – they simply forfeit the movie time. They are not entitled to a blow-by-blow recap, thus blotting out what is currently going on for the rest of us. The movie will come together and make sense to them later as you explain the missed section on your drive home.

What would YOU like to see banned from movie theaters?

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  • Thanks for reminding us about all those annoying things.The high hair styles annoy me most when I have to twist my neck to watch!

    • Shel Harrington

      Maybe we should come to movies equipped with baseball caps to ‘share,’ Juliet!

  • This is all why we don’t go to the movies. We like our TV and our couches :).

    • Shel Harrington

      Because you like to crunch loudly, smell vibrant, move around freely and wear hats? Or because you don’t like it when others do? I suspect your first mental response was something like: “A little of both, actually!”

  • About once every five years I encounter someone in a movie theater who feels the need to talk back to the characters in the movie. These individuals also need to stay home and wait for the movie to come out on DVD. LOL!!!

    • Shel Harrington

      I know who you’re talking about – the ones who call out: “Don’t go in there!” or: “Say yes!” as if they have the ability to change the script. We should all have ‘banish buttons’ that can pop them back to their living rooms!

  • Hope I don’t get lynched here, but babies. Babies need to not come to the movies. First and foremost, my Hub and I hate to see this because the movie (any movie) is WAY too loud for any baby’s little ears. Period. And then there’s the obvious – babies make noise and so do their parents when they inevitably traipse in and out of the theater to deal with the baby’s needs. I completely get that parents need a night out but do all of you a favor and find a sitter – it’s better for your couple time and better for the child.

    • OH! And my Hub completely abides by the no updates if you leave rule. I always have to leave to use the ladies room and I am not allowed to ask for updates when I get back! Had to laugh at that one.

      • Shel Harrington

        It must make for an interesting ride home with a “aha!” moment or two as you hear about the missing link!

    • Shel Harrington

      I’ll protect you, Lisa – AND agree with you!

  • I’m with Stephanie, I don’t like the latest concept of meals being served in the movie theater. I avoid those theaters because the waitress is always blocking my view. 🙁 I also can’t stop thinking about all of the roaches that are being attracted.

    • Shel Harrington

      Ugh – roaches?? Way to put a damper on the potential movie theater dinner experience, Jill! Although, I suppose there could be roaches who enjoy popcorn, big pretzels and sticky pop just as much. Now I just can’t wait for the lights to dim at my next movie (the one where I’ll be clothed head-to-toe with no gaps for roach entry!).

  • I know it’s a growing trend to be able to buy dinner at the theater restaurant and take it in to the movie but I’m not a huge fan. Smelling someone’s hamburger or chicken strips in front of me is not the best. The only time I take exception to this is if I’m in the “exclusive” theater where a waiter brings me my food. I’ll suffer all the smells for the luxury of being waited on.

    • Shel Harrington

      That’s how some of us have always felt about the nacho with the (allegedly) cheese substance – right up there with bad perfume! But I have to agree with you on the granting of an exception for the luxury box – while the food was good, the menu was limited to foods that didn’t have intrusive odors. Or maybe I was too busy enjoying my own fare to be aware of other odors. However, with the accompanying price tag to such adventures, I don’t have to worry about having a lot of opportunities to test my theory!

  • All good reasons why we seldom go to movies. Don’t need to see the latest; we prefer to watch from the comfort of home. I raise my popcorn to Netflix and Amazon streaming movies!

    • Shel Harrington

      And to those new very comfortable viewing chairs!!

  • how about the movies’ content-few are worth watching….

    • Shel Harrington

      Finding a good one – especially one that both my husband and I will enjoy – can, indeed, be a challenge!

  • Debbie G

    Get a room if you want to make out during the movie! Those great recliners at the movie are for comfort!

    • Shel Harrington

      I’m sorry you had to see that, Deb! Recliners? Sounds like you’re getting to some pretty posh theaters!

  • And for pete’s sake, don’t come in 15 minutes late and ask your neighbor “what did we miss?”

    Yes, this did happen to me once. 🙁

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