We finally get our spouses to join us for that movie we’ve been wanting to see – our first date in ages – and then we run into one of those people. You know – the inconsiderate boob that ruins the movie for the rest of us. The one that refuses to turn off his cell phone because he’s sure he’s going to get an important call. And when that call comes (probably from his bookie), instead of slipping discreetly out to handle things, he announces in a stage whisper that he’s in a movie (yeah, we know) and has to make it quick. But then he doesn’t.
Here’s 5 more things that should be banned -for all our sakes – from movie theaters. If there’s something on this list you just can’t give up, please do us a favor – DON’T go to the movies.
1. Perfume or cologne. No matter how wonderful it smells, it’s going to clash in a headache-inducing way with the just-as-wonderful scent from the guy in front of us.
2. Your big-faced glow-in-the-dark watch. You know – the one that sheds enough light you can read by it? If you must have verification of yet another minute passing by, maybe you could get a watch face with raised numbers and hands that you could keep in your pocket so you can feel the time without bothering the rest of us.
3. All things crunchy. Yes, M&Ms count. And bootleg, smuggled-in chips? Should be a firing-squad offense. There’s a reason the nacho chips are saturated with liquid cheese-product at theaters.
4. Gum. Unless you can chew it with your mouth closed (yes, we can hear as well as see someone chomping with their mouth open) without snapping, smacking, or popping, it should be banned.
5. Hats more than two inches taller than your head. And, no matter what decade the movie depicts, this includes retro 1980s big hair, too.
Well, there you have my Friday Five list of what shouldn’t be allowed in movie theaters. But as long as we’re on the subject of movie etiquette, let me just mention one more thing. Please be advised there is an unwritten rule that anyone who leaves during a movie – it doesn’t matter if it’s for a drink refill, bathroom break, or emergency gall bladder surgery – they simply forfeit the movie time. They are not entitled to a blow-by-blow recap, thus blotting out what is currently going on for the rest of us. The movie will come together and make sense to them later as you explain the missed section on your drive home.
What would YOU like to see banned from movie theaters?