Most of us would not want to be referred to as “A Gossip” – or get caught gossiping. So is gossip always a bad thing? I decided to check out a dictionary to see if there is any positive definition for ‘gossip.’ As it turns out, after checking several sources, I was indeed able to find a more benign definition of “gossip” than the rumor-riddled association it usually has. Vocabulary.com offers this definition: Gossip is conversation that’s light, informal, and usually about other people’s business.
My husband and I begin most weekdays by watching the early news. I have to admit, we sometimes watch with a critical eye. In between news stories we do a bit of the scuttlebutt kind of gossiping with regard to newscasters and the actors (I’m using the term loosely) on those early morning screaming car commercials. For instance, noticing a bad hair day, wondering (out loud) when earrings the size of Montana became professional wear, and questioning this ongoing trend of wearing sleeveless dresses no matter how much snow is on the ground. The chatter often ends with one or both of us shaking our head and saying: “They should have asked us!” We actually learn bits about the other and their preferences in these little exchanges, as well as make each other laugh. A bonding moment. Throw in a cup of coffee, and it’s a pretty nice start to the day!
Have you got your own spousal gossip going on? Do you ever find yourselves talking about the relationships of friends? In a recent Redbook article, Robb Willer, Ph.D, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, says such chat could be helpful to your own marriage. Analyzing behaviors is not the same as passing judgment. Discussing negative behaviors observed – spouses treated disrespectfully or inappropriate public displays – presents opportunities for spouses to discuss what each thinks is right or wrong, how they might have handled the situation, as well as to hash out their different points of view. Willer states that people who share the same values have stronger relationships.
As long as you’re not turning such discussions into comparisons to minimize your own marital issues or comparing your own relationship negatively to the point of creating unhealthy envy, such conversations can be quite productive. This kind of chitchat isn’t gossip – it’s couple’s therapy!